COMMENTARY: 11 rules to keep kids safe

Child sexual abuse is an absolute pandemic, but it’s still a subject most people don’t like to think about, and many parents feel uncomfortable talking about body safety with their children.

Statistics show one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Even though those numbers are very disturbing, you may think you’re safe because you’ve taught your children about stranger danger. Stranger danger is a great start, however 90 percent of child abusers are someone the child knows well, someone the child has no fear of.

Body safety education arms children for a very real battle against a highly skilled predator. You will not be able to spot a child abuser by their appearance. Child sexual abusers come from every walk of life, regardless of socioeconomic status, gender, age, or relationship to the child. Accept that the potential for abuse exists anywhere, with anyone. Knowledge is power when it comes to keeping children safe. Educating yourself and your children, maximizing awareness, and minimizing opportunity are key factors in protecting your children from sexual predators. Becoming proactive is your best defense.

Eleven essential body safety rules for creating a “No Predator Zone” for children:

•Teach and use the correct names for body parts. By using the correct names for body parts, a child can disclose abuse with more clarity, and less ambiguity.

•Privates stay private. Body parts that would normally be covered by a bathing suit are kept out of sight and out of touch of others. A child’s mouth should also be known as a private zone.

•Safe and unsafe touch. Unsafe touches are when someone wants to see or show private parts, touch, tickle, grab, play games, or take/show pictures of private parts.

•Big people never need help with their private parts, and we never play games with private parts.

•Teach children that if someone breaks the rules of body safety, they must yell “No, stop, I don’t like that,” try to get away, and always tell someone what happened. Remember: No, yell, tell!

•Teach children they are the boss of their body. Children have the right to say “no.” Kids should choose when they want to be hugged, kissed or held by someone. A high-five or handshake is a fine substitute for hugging, kissing, sitting on laps, etc. No child should feel they have to submit to allowing someone to touch or engage them in physical contact with their body that they are not comfortable with.

•No secrets. The keeping of secrets is an essential part of the grooming process used by sexual predators. Secrets are crucial to their not getting caught. Stress the no-secrets rule, and work to have an open line of communication with your children so they feel comfortable talking to you about anything.

•Abuse can often start off as friendly interaction. Teach that even “nice” people can do things that are wrong. Even people we love may break the rules about private parts.

•Reinforce that child sexual abuse is never the fault of the child, you will never be mad, you will always believe them (statistics show that children fabricate sexual abuse less than 1 percent of the time), and it’s never too late to tell, no matter how long it has been. It’s always right to be brave and tell.

•Every child should identify five trusted adults (one should be from outside the family) who they could tell if they are touched on their private parts, asked to touch someone’s private parts, are shown inappropriate images or feel sad, scared or concerned.

•Play the “What If” game by posing hypothetical scenarios that can help children learn and apply their body safety rules in ways that prepare them to handle potentially dangerous encounters.

Child sexual abusers use predictable strategies. Knowing how they operate, recognizing grooming patterns, and applying what you know makes children less vulnerable and makes predators less likely to succeed.

If you eliminate or reduce isolated one-on-one situations between children and adults, and children and other youth, you’ll dramatically reduce the risk of sexual abuse. Statistics show 80 percent of sexual abuse cases occur in isolated, one-on-one situations.

Children do not protect themselves; adults protect children! Being proactively involved in the prevention of child sexual abuse is every trusted adult’s responsibility. Awareness, education, and prevention are the best tools for creating a “No Predator Zone” for our children.

Jana Platanella Mitchell is a certified instructor for the NRA’s award-winning Refuse To Be A Victim program, a child safety advocate and a mom. She lives in Vineland served as a contributing writer for the Daily Journal's Community Advisory Board in 2005-06.

MORE INFORMATION

•For more information, visit themamabeareffect.org.

•If you suspect a child is being abused, call the New Jersey Child Abuse Hotline at (877) NJ ABUSE (877-652-2873).